PV: The Climax

And now for the highlight of our trip to Puerto Vallarta. It all began as soon as we walked off the airplane, actually. Not being terribly seasoned travelers, and no one having warned us ahead of time, we were not prepared to be swarmed by time-share representatives as we made our way through the airport. I can't remember exactly how this guy snagged our attention, but I'm glad he did despite the time-share thing. For a few reasons. First, being the cheapos that we are, we had been planning on renting a car to avoid a whole week's worth of outrageous taxi fees; thanks to this guy's advice we cancelled that and, instead of spending our whole first day totally lost and trying to drive around those CRAZY streets (they make left turns out of the far right lane!!!!), we paid super cheap cab fare all week and were chauffeured by folks who knew where they were and what they were doing. So it was worth if for that alone. Second, we got to spend a day way on the other side of town, in Nuevo Vallarta, at a happenin' new resort, the Flamingo I think it was called. A totally different experience from where we were staying and a fun drive through "real" Mexico. Third, we got cheap tickets to a Cirque-du-Soleil-type dinner show at a private beach way down from PV, including a thirty minute trip through he** (excuse me, boat ride) and a lovely outdoor buffet dinner.

We reserved our tickets for Friday evening, which was our actual anniversary, June 28. As I mentioned before, we had specifically been trying NOT to conceive during the time frame we did, because of first-trimester-and-beyond-induced agony, so naturally I was ten weeks pregnant. I brought along a bottle of Zofran-type prescription meds to help ward off sickness while we were traveling, and I felt fairly decent the first couple of days. By Friday afternoon though, I was feeling pretty queasy and I just couldn't get on top of it. Still, we didn't want to miss out on our exciting evening (and we definitely didn't; it was still thrilling beyond words, just in a different way than we had planned). So we dressed and took a cab to the departure site and sat and chatted amiably with (or at least, smiled weakly at) the young couple seated with us. And then we got on the boat.

And the boat started moving. Speeding along the choppy waves, with the wind blowing through the hair of all forty passengers (except the bald ones I guess). We were seated in rows, all facing the front of the little ship, and we just kept going...and going....and going.....I thought it would never end. And I felt SO sick. SOOO Sick. SOOOO INCREDIBLY SIIIICK! I tried stumbling my way down the skinny stairwell to see if using the bathroom would help me feel better. It didn't. And the water was so choppy I couldn't even make my way back to my seat, so I plopped down on one of the plastic chairs set up against the railing. So now I wasn't hidden in the crowd anymore, but sitting in the front facing everyone. And they were facing me, drinking their cocktails and giving "the young newlywed couple with the seasick bride" sympathetic looks. (I think it was actually more embarrassing having them think I was just seasick instead of knowing I was just sick from pregnancy. It made me look like a pansy.)

Now, I had had plenty of miserable experiences on this earth up to that point (I mean come on, I'd been through childbirth three times), but NOTHING before or since equals the misery of that boat ride. And finally, after twenty minutes or so of sheer, utter, complete agony, the whole boat knew it. I was up against the railing, vomiting my brains out over the side of the ship. Only it wasn't as peaceful as it sounds. You see, I'm really short, so I couldn't "lean over" the railing. Instead all I could do was bend my chin over the rail, which caused a couple of problems. First, you know that vomiting upwards is even less graceful than vomiting while you're doubled over (and I'm not in any way a graceful vomiter at the best of times). So it was a totally and completely gut-wrenching, violent performance. Second, the combination of 1)not being able to lean over at all and 2)the wind, meant that everything that came out blew totally sideways into my hair. And the side of the boat. Hopefully not on any audience members, I mean passengers.

Once it was over, I just collapsed into my dinky plastic chair and grinned feebly around at everyone. After all, there is an element of humor in most forms of humiliation! And if nothing else I do have a sense of humor. Thankfully there were some very kind people on the boat who brought me everything from cups of water, to limes to suck on, to bags of ice cubes to hold against the inside of my wrist to help the nausea go away.

By the time we F-I-N-A-L-L-Y landed at the beach, I was super shaky and exhausted and still feeling sick. But, I managed to make it over to the buffet and the show, even smiling for a few pictures along the way, and we did enjoy the show, which was pretty amazing. I did not however get to enjoy my dinner much, which was very sad if you know me and how much I love my food. Thankfully, the boat ride back was much more peaceful, since the water had calmed down, it was nice and dark outside, and I just rested my head on Seth's shoulder and watched the cute little dance show/competition performed by the crew members. I still never managed to get quite on top of the morning/seasickness but at least we made it through the rest of the vacation and the flight home without further public humiliation.